Billy: I'm bored.
Grim: Hey! Stupid, rotten little...
[Mandy busts the door open, hitting Billy straight in the mouth with a super soaker, then turns around and does the same to Grim. She walks up to Billy]
Billy: Ooh... why is the ground shaking?
Mandy: That's called "shellshock". [points super soaker at him] And this is called a "coup de grâce". Well, there's something you don't see every day.
Nergal: Come one, come all to the carnival.
Billy: CARNIVAL!?
Nergal: Yes, the carnival. An don't forget to bring a friend.
Mandy: That voice. Sounds somehow familiar.
Nergal: Hello! Hel-lo, it's you.
Mandy: NERGAL.
Grim: You are unpleasant to be around.
Nergal: Oh, come on, what did I ever do to you? [Mandy and Grim just stare] Heh-heh... I mean, besides the kidnappings and electrocutions?
Billy: Go back to the center of the world, you bum! [throws cotton candy at him]
Nergal: I'm just trying to make friends. All I ever wanted is a friend.
Billy: Cheer up, Nergal. There's still hope. Right, guys?
Mandy: Hope is wasted on the hopeless.
[Billy is teaching Nergal how to make friends]
Billy: See? Making friends is easy... and we'll show you how.
Nergal: You will?
Billy: Yeah! Using the five "C"s of friendship.
Grim & Mandy: The what!?
The 5 "C"s of Friendship
#1 - Cleanliness
Billy: People like you more when you don't stink.
#2 - Consideration
Billy: Yes! Feel the friendship flowing through you! Good! Remember, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Nergal: [to Pud'n] Nice shot, bucko! [to a woman standing in the road] You're not completely hideous! [to a fat kid eating ice cream and pizza] You're tremendous-ly adorable. You-re... You...
#3 - Compliments
Billy: Some people will stop hating you... if you compliment them on their looks.
Nergal: My goodness, you cute little girl. That mirror makes you look perfectly hideous.
#4 - Conversation
Billy: It's fun to exchange ideas and opinions with congenial people.
Nergal: [attempting friendly conversation with Pud'n on a ferris wheel] Obviously I should have known... that when the boils became infected, I would be... [conversation fades out as the wheel turns as the audience is left to guess what else is said] ...by this point, the stench was unmerciful. It took thirteen... [fades out again - upon returning, Pud'n is looking thoroughly unwell] ...the wounds were boiling open with some sort of viscous... [fades out again - Pud'n is then heard vomiting] ...by Tuesday, the whole ear canal was infested with caterpillars... [fades out again, Grim and Mandy look unimpressed]
#5 - Sharing
Billy: People like it when you share.
Nergal: Would you like to share? Very well. Here's your half. Grim, how do you do it? You lack any hint of charm or social grace... and yet you have two friends. You must tell me your secret!
Grim: Hey, man, I never wanted any stupid friends. They forced me to do it.
Nergal: They forced you?
Grim: Yeah. The little monsters.
Billy: It's true!
Mandy: He is our friend slave.
Nergal: [after hearing that Billy and Mandy force Grim to be their friend] "Of course, all the good things in life must be taken by force." [stops with a look of realization on his face] "[whispers] Now I know what to do.
Billy: "What?
Nergal: [revealing his tentacles menacingly] "I MUST MAKE PEOPLE BE MY FRIENDS!" We'll have so much friendly fun! You're my friend! And you're my friend! And you! And you! And you! And you! Friends, friends, friends... And you. You will be my closet, most bestest friend of all.