Modern Primitives/transcript

This article is a transcript of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy episode "Modern Primitives" from season six, which aired on January 27th, 2006.

(The episode begins with Billy digging a huge hole in the front yard, while Mandy and Grim is wondering why Billy is digging a huge hole in his front yard.)

Mandy: Uh, why is Billy digging in this front lawn?

Grim: I don't know Mandy. I'm starting to think that Billy might be a little bit stupid.

(Billy then throws dirt on Grim's face, and he spits out mud, and uses his hands to clean out the dirt on his face.)

Grim: (Angry) Confound it boy. You know how much I hate the taste of dirt.

Billy: Sorry Grim. But it's cold out, so I'm digging to the center of the earth where it's warmer.

Mandy: Billy, the Earth's core is calculated to be at least one thousand degree Celsius. You boil like a lobster.

(Then Grim imagines him cooking with his cooking hat, and with Billy as a lobster, putting him in the pot, and he starts to boil.)

Grim: (Laughing)

Mandy: I'm pretty sure we were just having the same fantasy.

Billy: Grim, Mandy, look, (Billy is holding an ice that he had found) I found ice. Weird hmm?

Grim: That's permafrost you boob. It's water below the ground that's been frozen for centuries.

Billy: Well I guess that explains the caveman I found.

(The frozen caveman turns out to be Fred Flinstone from The Flinstones in a frozen solid ice, with prehistoric music playing.)

Grim: (Surprised) Oh My Gosh! It-it can't be. An actual caveman?

(Billy then throws the frozen caveman at Grim, and when he was squished by the caveman, he had socks and shoes that was similar to the Wicked Witch of the East from The Wizard of Oz, and eventually, he disappears.)

Billy: Mandy, can we thaw out the caveman from his icy heck? Can we? (x8) (Then, Grim reappears again.)

Mandy: Okay! I don't know what makes either of you think that releasing a caveman that's been frozen for thousands of years into the streets of the modern society is a good idea. Who knows how he'll react to being a different time.

Billy: (Sadly) You're right. (Then, he tries to steal the scythe from Grim, to unfreeze the caveman.) Gimme, that scythe. (They both fight for the scythe.) Can't, you, thaw, caveman?

(Then, the scythe unfreezes the caveman, and the caveman becomes unconscious.)

Grim: Now you've done it Billy.

(Fred becomes alert, and realizes he's in the 21st century.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba? Eh, Yabba?

(He starts to freak out, and walks around in circles.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba, Yabba-Dabba.

(Then he runs into the street, and the car almost hit him.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba-Dabba, Yabba-Dabba.

(Fred Flinstone then runs away from the car, and heads to the mailbox.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba-Dabba, Yabba-Dabba?

(Then he runs towards Mandy, Billy and Grim.)

Mandy: Boo!

(Then Fred Flinstone runs away, screaming.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba-Dabba Yaa!

(Then he walks to the electric wires, and gets electrocuted. Then he falls from the electric wires he had touched. Then a wiener dog comes and urinates on the electrocuted caveman.)

Grim: Well, at least the flames are out. Can I reap this guy now? Just look at him. (He uses his scythe to scan him) He's 23.99 thousand years past his expiration date.

Billy: You can't reap him Grim. I've always wanted a caveman of my own, or a cowboy. (He begs him for him to keep the caveman.) Can I keep him? Can I (x3)?

Grim: I don't know. Remember Billy, owning a caveman's a huge responsibility.

Billy: Oh Pshaw! You don't got to worry Grim. I'm gonna symbolize him, and clean up his poo, and we'll be best friends forever.

(Fred Flinstone runs towards the car, he touches the car and it starts to beep, he then smashes the car with his hands, and the car is set on fire.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Grim: Or if that doesn't work, we can always make a nice caveman skin rug out of him.

Billy: Agreed!

(Billy shows Fred inside of his house, and takes him inside.)

Billy: Welcome to the 21st century. My name is Billy, and I'll be your role model. And you would be?

Fred Flinstone: Yabba-Dabba?

Billy: No no. Me Billy, you...(He tries to convince him by telling him his name)

Fred Flinstone: Oh! Fred.

(Billy does a palm face.)

Billy: Okay! Since you don't speak American, I'll call you, Jake Steel.

(Fred Flinstone became annoyed)

Billy: (He walks into the kitchen) I'm gonna grab us a snack. Now don't destroy the house while I'm gone.

(Fred Flinstone just stands there in the living room.)

Billy: Do you like chilli on your cereal?

(Fred Flinstones just stands there, after wrecking the living room.)

Billy: Eh, never mind.

(Fred Flinstone walks to the record player, then he sees it, he grabs the bird that was from the tree, and uses it to play the record player. He sits and enjoys listening to music, while the annoyed bird bites the twine off on him, and beaks on his head, and Fred falls on the floor, and the bird flies away. Then Billy's Dad crashes to the garage door back home. He gets out of the car to the back by the broken car window, and walks to the door, he grabs the right key to unlock the door, until he finds the wrecked house, and the door wasn't attached.)

Harold: What the?!?

(He throws the door out of here, and he sees a real-life caveman. They mimic each other by waving their fingers, scratching their heads, picking their noses, giving them raspberries, becoming angry at each other, becoming upside down, and shaking their butts. Then, they walk away from each other, and then they come close together again, but by dancing. And Billy's Dad takes off his shirt and cheers.)

Harold: Woo-Hoo! (Cheering)

(Fred Flinstone then walks out of here, while Billy comes to see his dad.

Billy: Um, dad?

Harold: Can't you see I'm busy Billy?

Billy: But it's important.

Harold: What is it?

Billy: Dad, if I found a caveman buried in the front yard can I keep him?

Harold: Caveman huh? (He uses his arm to clean out the snot that was coming out of his nose) Yeah, I don't think your mother would want a filthy...(He smells his armpit) Disgusting...(He sniffles) disease-ridden Neanderthal living in her house.

(He then walks inside the house.)

Billy: Filthy, and disgusting eh?

(Billy then uses a hoe to clean Fred Flinstone's back, and waxes Fred Flinstone's hair on his back, and rips it off.)

Fred Flinstone: YEOW!

(He then shaves Fred Flinstone, afterwards, he smiles and looks at his youthful self, until his face becomes a skull. He then brushes his teeth, dries his hair, combs it, and dresses him to look just like Mandy.)

Billy: Now you'll fit in perfectly in the modern world. Let's go introduce you.

(They all sit down for dinner, and Billy introduces his new caveman to everyone)

Billy: This is Jake Steel. He's my new caveman.

Gladys: So, this is a caveman?

Grim: I'm afraid so. And Billy won't let me terminate him. Just remember that when you see what he's done to your bathroom towels.

Mandy: He seems to be catching on modern ways pretty quickly.

(Fred uses his knife and fork to try to cut his ribs, but it jumps out of his dish, he becomes disgruntled, and put his fork and knife on the table and mutters.)

Mandy: Well, he's trying anyway.

(Then Billy and his dad gobbles up their dinner, and Billy's dad burps. There was only one rib left. They fight for the last piece of the rib, then Billy growls and bites his dad's nose, and he falls, then the next morning, it was a school day, and Pud'n was telling everyone his sad story during his show and tell.)

Pud'n: And he sailed away never to return. And that's the story of this crusty oaf, Pegland, which is all I have to remember (becoming teary-eyed and then cries) from the greatest sea prior captain that ever lived. Captain that word they called him, but to whether they fool ya...he's not really a captain.

(He then takes the crusty pipe, and walks back to his seat)

Miss Butterbean: Uh, okay! Uh, good job Pud'n.

(Pud'n hugs his pipe)

Pud'n: I don't need your pathetic sympathy.

Miss Butterbean: Next up is Billy, who will now come up and show everyone what he brought for show and tell.

(The classroom all of a sudden becomes pitch black.)

Kid: Hey who turned out the lights?

Mindy: What's going on?

Irwin: I'm scared yo.

(Billy appears, with the spotlight on him, showing them his show and tell.)

Billy: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I bring you the greatest spectacle of all time. Something that must be seen, to be believed. Prepare yourselves, for I bring you (Then the camera zooms out, and Fred is now scene in school inside the cage.) Jake Steel, the caveman (Then the spotlight goes to him in a cage.)

(Everyone had became amazed of what they are seeing.)

Fred Flinstone: Yabba?

Billy: That's right folks! He's a real-life caveman. From the age of dinosaurs, Betamax tapes, floppy discs, and acid wash jeans, with holes in them on purpose.

(Everyone was amazed of Billy's caveman.)

Mindy: Eew! He smells like Yabba-Dabba-Doo-Doo.

Miss Butterbean: Billy, are you sure about bringing a caveman to school?

Billy: Not to worry Miss Butterbean, Mandy said that eventually he'll get future shot, and he won't be able to handle the unfamiliar sight and sounds of the time thirty thousand years into the future, and that eventually, he'll snap, and go on an uncontrollable rampage. But I don't think that's likely, there's absolutely no way of Jake Steel ever getting out of that cage. Nope!

(The cage opens, and Fred Flinstone goes into an uncontrollable rampage.)

Fred Flinstone: (Yelling) YABBA-DABBA!

(Then he gets out of the cage, wrecks the teacher's desk, and the children cheers, then he looks at Miss Butterbean, and grabs her by the hair.)

Fred Flinstone: YABBA-DABBA!

(Then he runs out of the window, and jumps into the car, then he sees Principal Goodvibes brushing his teeth, with nothing but his underpants on.)

Principal Goodvibes: (Awkwardly) Please don't tell the students I live like this.

(He kicks Principal Goodvibes out of the car, and uses his foot to run out of here.)

Mandy: Caveman can't be allowed to drive, it's one of the rules our society was founded on. If we're gonna catch him, we'll need a fast set of wheels.

(So they go in a monster truck, but the monster truck leaves them, turning out that they are actually on a girl's bike with Irwin who's wearing a helmet.)

Grim: We're never going to catch Billy's caveman on this stupid girl's bike.

Irwin: (Panting) My Grand-Mama bought me this bike yo.

Mandy: Enough of this. Grim, get us airborne, now!

Grim: You've got it! (He then uses his scythe to make them fly, and then the moon appears and their shadow appears when they fly high, which is very similar to another film, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial.)

Billy: Hey! This is like that one movie where the extra terrestrial it who makes friends with those kids, and Grim always cries at the end.

Grim: (He almost begins to cry) Shut up Billy.

(Then it was daytime again, and are still looking for Billy's caveman.)

Mandy: Grim, you see anything?

Grim: Not a blasted thing. Wait a second. There he is.

(They find the out of control driving caveman, who kidnapped Miss Butterbean.)

Miss Butterbean: You do know, that now that you've kidnapped me, I expect to be married and I want 2.5 kids, and a two-story house on the west side, and your gonna have to find yourself a well-paying job because I know you don't expect me to work. And don't use the excuse "Oh, I'm a caveman. I don't belong in this time." Uh-uh. I ain't having that. And also, brush your hair.

Fred Flinstone: YABBA-DABBA!

(Then he drives out of control by spinning the car, and Miss Buttbean screams. Then he gets hit by an ice cream truck, and ice cream begins to come out, and lands all over in the car, while Miss Butterbean screams, and runs out of the car. Billy, Mandy, Grim and Irwin found him, but they were too late.)

Boy: Hey everyone, free ice cream.

(The children comes and eat all of the ice cream, and Fred becomes frozen solid again, and Billy, Mandy, and Grim walks to the frozen solid Fred Flinstone.)

Billy: Poor old Jake Steel, this was obviously not your time dear friend.

Mandy: What a way to go. Frozen solid in a block of cherry-flavored orange sherbet ice cream.

Billy: There's only one thing left to do.

Grim: All right, but I don't know if you kids should watch this. It can get a little messy.

Billy: NO! Not that.

Grim: No, then what?

(They then reburied Fred in the front yard where they first saw him.)

Billy: (Sadly) It would be nice if someone could say a few words.

Mandy: He's not dead Billy, we just reburied him in your front yard again. What a waste of an episode. (Mandy and Grim walks away, while Billy cries.)

Billy: (Crying) Goodbye old friend. May you find your destiny in the...future. Mighty Jake Steel. The future, where cars will fly and where will all have nanomachines and our blood streams that will allow us to tell time without a watch. The future. (x3)

(Years later, the aliens have found a frozen caveman, and they unfreeze him, not only that, they unfreeze Billy as well, and Billy wakes up, and was happy to see Jake Steel (Fred Flinstone) again, while Fred was not, and just crossed his arms, being angry at him.)

Billy: Oh hey Jake, I got hungry one night and remembered that there was a bunch of sherbet buried in the yard. I guess I fell in.

(Then they see two big green aliens, sitting on their seats.)

Billy: Oh, look at those guys. They're so chubby. I wonder what they eat.

(The aliens unscrews Fred Flinstone's head, and takes out his brain, and eats it, Billy laughs, the alien burps, and Fred Flinstones mutters, and then the episode ends.)

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